Alrighty Then

If I didn’t actually know a bit about bi-polar disorder, I might believe that I am. Not so much cuz I’m manic then depressed, but just because my head and emotions are all over the place.

First on the docket, my lovely love life. For some time now, I’ve been searching, dating, hitting my head against my desk, loving, losing, and continuing the cycle. I believed I had found what I was looking for. Not the mythical “ONE”… I happen not to believe in that sort of dribble. But a good enough one. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but the yummy warm squishy times started being edged out by a feeling of unease. Needless to say, I think that there is something to be said about my instincts, and unfortunately, I had to act. Shit.

Second. Related to #1, I have a weird sad feeling mixed with relief. Sad at the thought of losing someone who has become one of my best friends. Sad because I’ve invested so much and will have nothing (good) to show for it. Sad because in spite of everything, I really do love him. Down because my schedule will become frighteningly open. Annoyed at the thought of starting this stupid process all over again. And depressed (and slightly relieved) at the realization that I think I’m done with this process. I just feel done.

ON the flip side, I feel like a weight is on the verge of lifting. I’m feeling excited to have some actual free time… that not every “childless” night will be occupied by one person. Excited to be able to spend some much needed time with friends. Relieved to be able to spend time at my house. I’ve truly been homesick that past month. I’ve spent so much time with the sig. other that I’ve let my yard go, neglected my cats and dog, as well as my home. Hopefully I won’t be so tired now that I’ll be spending every evenings in my own bed. Mmmm… my bed. Relieved that I won’t have to shave every damn day.

Third on the list: I know I’ve bitched about medical bills and insurance companies, but I’m feeling pretty grateful today. Yes, I still hate my kids FORMER insurance company (and are showing them my love my suing them πŸ™‚ ). But Medicaid and some financial assistance came through, and a HUGE FUCKING load, weighing about $28,000, has been lifted off of my tired back. As screwed up as it all is, I love this country.

So there you have it kids… A small peek into my psychotic mind. It’s a horrible day. It’s also a good day. It’s just another day in the life of Megatropolis.

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4 Comments on “Alrighty Then”

  1. zeghsy Says:

    guys are weird and one can never truly figure them out. congrats on the heavy weight being gone though. that’s a big one! πŸ™‚

  2. The Grunt Says:

    You did the right thing for yourself and your kids. The right thing can be the hardest thing to do, though.

    A lousy metaphor for ya, Meggypoo.

    I bought a guitar once that I fell in love with the minute I saw it. It was after a few weeks that I started noticing things about its past that were causing problems. The neck was warped from humidity. The frets needed to be replaced. There were some shorts in the electronics. I fixed about as much as I could on it and now I have this sub-par instrument that I am not satisfied with trying to figure out how I’m going to pawn it off onto someone else. I chalk it up to GAS (Guitar Acquisition Syndrome). Love is even worse for clouding judgment, sometimes.

    Give yourself major credit for finding this stuff out before it was too late. I don’t know that anyone could have figured it out on the spot. There are some people that are essentially good, but for whatever reason, have trouble follow them wherever they go. You are smart to not want that for you and your family. You are going to be rewarded for it in the long run.

    My sermon is over now:)

  3. Pants Says:

    Oh man, that’s a lot of shit to deal with. I’m extra sorry I wasn’t able to get together now that I see what you’ve been going through. Don’t be too hard on yourself. There will be another someone out there for you…and until then, you have me! πŸ™‚

    What a freaking relief about the medical bills! It is great to hear something positive related to medical billing.

    Yesterday I realized that I miss missing my most recent douchebag. Pretty sure that means I’m ready to date again – too bad I’m drowning in school work. πŸ™‚

    xoxo

  4. meggypoo Says:

    Zeghsy- Yes, they are truly mythical creatures, except without the mystery and more creepishness than anything else. Thanks πŸ™‚

    Grunt- Thanks for the sermon, and I’m sorry about your guitar. I’m counting on being able to look back at this and chalk it up to just another guy and feeling happy that I made the right choice. Choosing the right sucks.

    Pants- No worries, and thanks, although honestly, I don’t think that there is anyone else out there for me (unless it’s more of the same… used maxipads). At this point, I think I’m taking this road alone. Douchebags are easy to miss… LAME!


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