Not On The Lips

Thinking about ones own mortality is a normal thing. But having to think of the mortality of your child… that is un-natural! My parents have talked about how even as we’ve become adults, they still worry about us kids. Until I became a parent, I never understood what it REALLY meant to love with ever fiber of my being. I had also never felt what it was like to feel utterly helpless and fearful as I have as a parent.

Sure, everyone knows being a parent is hard. It can also can heartbreaking. I saw my parents bury a child, and I knew that I never wanted to know what that was like myself. Even the mere thought of something bad happening to my kids makes me sick. When Emma had her potentially fatal illness a few years ago, it was difficult to say the least. I’ve had different scares with the other kids. In each of those instances, the knowledge that things were pretty much out of my hands pretty much, for lack of a better word, SUCKED!

Last week I got a taste of what that feels like, again. Emma had been sick for a couple of weeks. A cold, strep, and what I thought was another cold. It included ongoing fevers and another large pesky lymph node. Something felt wrong to me, and that uneasy feeling was something I’ve felt before. I called her doctor and described what had been going on. She ordered a battery of tests to rule out (or identify) possibly causes of her illness. One concern was that she was presenting with symptoms consistent with Lymphoma, which, if you don’t already know, is cancer. Waiting that day for the results was filled with worry and what-ifs. I would try to put it out of my find, but the thought was always there. A nagging idea about what I would do if I lost my child. Yuck… even typing it feels awful.

When the dr. called me with the test results, I was relieved to find out that it was NOT cancer. She does, however, have Mono. Not great, but so much better than the possible alternatives! She has to rest and take it easy for a month or so… no running, jumping, horseback riding lessons, etc. to protect her enlarged spleen, but she’s doing OK, and she will be OK. What a wonderful feeling and relief.

The whole thing made me think about the parents I know who are not so lucky. The parents who get the call that it is not something so benign. That their child won’t be OK. I’ve had friends who have lost children to illness or disease, and my heart breaks for them. It has made me appreciate the relative health of my children and family. I’m so thankful that this turned out to be such a minor thing, and hope that we continue to get the little dramas that require ibuprofen or a band-aid instead  :).

Explore posts in the same categories: Family, General Stuff, Kids, Life, Motherhood

One Comment on “Not On The Lips”

  1. erica Says:

    I’m so SO glad that Emma’s okay. SCARY!! I can’t bear to think about losing any of my children, either. I cry when I read obituaries about children. But, to end on a more positive note, if there is anything you need as Emma recovers, let me know! :o)

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