It’s Gotta Go Wednesday

***DISCLAIMER***  THIS POST IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART, OR FOR GRANDMA’S, OR FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD ANY FORMAL OR INFORMAL TRAINING IN ETIQUETTE.

When I was working up near Solitude this winter, I ended up befriending a couple of guys that worked next door in the ski/board rental shop. It was nice to have someone to talk to, especially after working for almost 3 months and never speaking to anyone but my boss, the housekeeper, my co-worker, and people calling to make reservations.

There is something about a friendship with 20-something men… it’s exactly how I imagined having a little brother would be. Gross, entertaining, and grossly entertaining.

No subject was taboo, especially ones having to do with bodily functions. So you won’t be surprised when I tell you that flatulence was a topic that was discussed on more than one occasion. This really doesn’t apply to today’s post other than this: One day, one of the guys told me how his dr. told him that frequent gas is actually NOT healthy, and is a sign of some digestion/stomach issue, often resulting from poor nutrition.

Which brings me to my gotta go.

Farts. Everyone does it, although I can tell you by experience that the frequency and substance greatly varies from person to person. And while I can find some humor in a little *poof*, I’m really not a big fan. I mean it’s pretty gross, right? (Except for mine, which are few and far between, and as my husband will attest, very charming). I know what else comes from that area.

While the smell does bother me, what really gets me is the course my imagination seems to take from there.

Every time someone farts, I have this horrible sensation that their butt particles have now been released into the air through the air escaping their body. And so I do everything I can not to breathe. Not through my nose OR my mouth, because those are both gateways into my precious body.

It’s especially concerning when a stranger let’s one go. I mean, I don’t know this person! I don’t know their germs, and now those germs are invading my lungs, seeping into my bloodstream and most likely crossing the blood/brain barrier. I don’t have any scientific evidence, but I’m sure that THIS is what caused the swine flu.

So one of two things have to go here. 1) my irrational and unfounded fear of being contaminated, or 2) people who fart if my general direction, or within a 1 mile radius. I’m thinking the later.

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One Comment on “It’s Gotta Go Wednesday”

  1. erica Says:

    Growing up in a big family and then having a husband/children of my own means farts are an inevitable part of my life. Your imagination, however, cracks me up! Thanks for making me laugh! 😉


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