Archive for the ‘Vexation’ category

It’s Gotta Go Wednesday

September 7, 2011

I don’t love grocery shopping. I’m typically a get in and get out sort of girl.

Last week when I was doing my weekly run, I noticed a phenomenon that I hadn’t noticed before. I’m naming it the people are total nimrods phenomenon.

I had to get a few things out of the produce section. As I approached the veggies on my list, there was a woman standing directly in front of the particular lettuce that I needed, and I noticed that she was texting. I stood behind her for a few seconds, and then softly said, “excuse me”. She gave me a look of death, as if MY SHOPPING AT A GROCERY STORE was ruining her stupid, lame, 45-year-old social life. I was irritated enough to say something, but wimpy enough to say it softly, “Oh gee, don’t let me get in your way. That’s a really convenient place to stand”.

OK, fast forward 30 whole seconds, and the same damn thing was happening merely 15 feet away (by the cucumbers, if you must know). There was an older couple, the husband talking to the wife while she was texting. They were probably in their mid-sixties, and I’m wondering if there is some law which forbids that kind of activity. Anyway, having 4 of my 5 kids with me AND just dealing with the rude lady 30 seconds ago, I was feeling much less sheepish and much more get-the-hell-out-of-my-way-ish. Luckily when I said “excuse me” this time around, the couple apologized for blocking my precious greens and moved to the side.

Yeah, the later of the two people texting experience was acceptable, but after what happened this particular day in the store, I’ve been paying more attention to texting that occurs in all public places. I’ve realized that this wasn’t an isolated incident. There are so many dorks out there! Walking around the streets, eyes down, texting like it’s their last night on earth, walking slowly in a way that is guaranteed to create a line behind them.

Texting is great. I love texting! It’s a great way to communicate without having to stop what you’re doing to actually talk. I text with family, friends, clients as well as co-workers. So it’s not about texting. What’s gotta go is clueless morons walking around (or even worse, driving around) with their heads lodged somewhere unmentionable, but let’s just say it’s dark. People, pay attention to what is going on around you. Yes, technology is great and I’m sure that it will totally work out with guy you’re texting who you met on HOWEVER, please remember that there are actual living people in your vicinity that may have actual things to do. If you MUST text in public, find a bench and sit, stay in your car until you’re done typing your message, or hide under a display table so you don’t get in people’s way. Because blocking me from my veggies and giving me the stink eye, it’s gotta go.

It’s Gotta Go Wednesday

April 27, 2011

Complaining about the driving skills, or lack there of, of others… how original of a complaint, right?

Every driver out in America gets irritated with other drivers at some point, and I’m no different. Sure, there are people who drive slow in the fast/passing lane, don’t signal when they are turning, speed up to “butt” in front of everyone else when lanes are merging, so on and so forth. The list of  pet peeves where driving is concerned is a long one. But for today’s purposes, I’m going to focus on one.

This post is dedicated to the woman who found it necessary to pull out right in front of me, causing me to break hard to avoid hitting her. A woman who had 2 children (that I could see) in her car and publicized it with the always classy “Baby on Board” sign in her window. I guess she was in a BIG hurry, because she couldn’t wait for the 422837825 foot space between me and the car behind me to pull out. I guess it made more sense to her to almost cause an accident by pulling out in front of me in rainy/snowy weather.

Annoying, yes. But that’s only part of my gripe. OK, so you pull out in front of me, kind of cutting me off, but I see you in time, break, and we both survive. BUT, if you’re in such a *@#>$ hurry, then why are you accelerating at approximately 1 mile per hour. I think she may have hit a top speed of 25 mph, but I didn’t stick around long enough to collect the data.

Here it is… the KEY part of my “gotta go”…IF you’re going to pull out in front of someone when the distance allotted is questionable, then you damn well better step on it! Yeah, it sucks to have to wait your turn in traffic, but there are these things called laws, rules, and just plain common sense and courtesy, and these are designed to keep us safe.

What gets me is this mom, who cares enough about her kids to let the whole world knows she’s carrying precious cargo with a sign, was driving like a complete idiot. I was driving a borrowed (from my parents) truck carrying my 5 yr. old, who I would like to keep alive AND safe from bodily harm.

A rule of thumb while driving: If you question if you have time to “make it”, don’t. Because driving like an a-hole has GOT TO GO.

It’s Gotta Go Wednesday

April 6, 2011

Monday while grocery shopping, the kids needed a potty break. I always figure, when in Rome, right? After I had used the facilities, I of course washed my hands. As I was lathering up, a woman who had just used the bathroom came out of the stall and walked right out the door. Without washing her hands!

After refraining from vomiting and making sure the kids washed their hands, and using a paper towel to open the door, I continued shopping. As I went into the produce department, I noticed Mrs. Craphands squeezing the avocados an aisle away. Unfortunately, avocados happened to be on my *@*+! list.

Here’s where I get into how I KNOW it was a little irrational, and I MIGHT be slightly germ-a-phobic, and I realized that I could simply wash the fruit (HA! Yeah, I’m no dummy… I know avocados are fruits), but I couldn’t bring myself to touch them, let alone buy them. I guess I just have a subconscious thing that forces me to boycott food item that had been touched by someone I had just witness NOT wash their hands in a public bathroom. I have no problem with dirt (unless it’s on the kids shoes and I mopped the floor) from a “germ” standpoint… it’s the stuff like e coli and salmonella that I have issues with.

This is probably a good time to tell you this story: About 9 years ago, I started having some pretty intense stomach pain. I sort of just ignored it for a while, but then it just kept getting worse. One morning I was woken up because it hurt so bad. It was at that point that I decided to suck it up and go the ER. NOTE: Just to give you an idea of my pain tolerance levels… I didn’t take ANY pain medication after my c-section. NOTHING. OK, I’m going to skip all of the gory details because it would take forever, but after 1 week, many tests, and a bunch of pain pills, the cause of my pain was discovered. A lovely bacteria, called h-pylori (for short) had invaded my system, caused an ulcer (which we subsequently discovered was slowly bleeding. No WONDER I was always anemic and couldn’t donate blood). How is this bacteria transmitted, you ask? Through human feces. Yes, so somehow, somewhere, I ate food tainted with poop.

Now do you understand my issues with people not washing their hands after wiping their arse? And because I’m going type the next line in all caps, you know this is serious stuff. NOT WASHING YOUR HANDS AFTER GOING TO THE BATHROOM HAS GOT TO GO!

It’s Gotta Go Wednesday

March 30, 2011

This is dedicated to all of the people out there (and more specifically my friend Sarah) who have moron pet owners as neighbors.

When I was a kid, we shared a fence with a family who owned 2 dogs. They were Scottish terriers (the dogs, not the family), and they barked. A lot. My dad got so fed up with it one night (my parents bedroom window was next to the shared fence) that he took a patio footstool and threw it over the fence that the yappy lil’ suckers. We never did see that footstool again.

Fast forward 20 years…

Shortly after I had my first baby, life at my home became somewhat less than comfortable. Neighbors to the back of us owned a stupid, little, barking piece of canine. And for some odd reason, these neighbors felt that it was OK to leave their dog outside all day and all night. Every day I was filled with anxiety as I put my son down for his afternoon nap because that dog had a bark that was equivalent to that of putting an air horn outside his door. If you’ve had kids, you know that naps are more precious than oxygen. That dog often kept me awake at night. We spoke to these neighbors multiple times and called animal control a few times before there was any improvement.

In that same home, there were neighbors one house away who had a similar stupid dog and similar idiot tendencies. After literally 3 hours of hearing their stupid dog bark, I went over to their house at 2 a.m., knocked on the door, and in a not so super friendly neighborly way, let them know that their dog was barking and had been doing so for the past 3 hours, and I was letting them know because I guess they couldn’t hear the EAR PIERCING noise that was right outside their back door.


I had a similar experience in the next home my ex and I bought.

My friend Sarah is currently experiencing a similar problem, and doesn’t really know what to do about it. I’ve slept at their home and can testify that if you turn the bathroom light on in the middle of the night, their neighbor’s dogs will bark. SO ANNOYING!

I’ve made it pretty clear that I love dogs. I have a dog. Does he bark? Yes… if someone comes to our door and knocks or rings the bell. And then he shuts up. Or he’ll bark for a second if he’s outside and sees a stranger. But we don’t ever just leave him outside, and if he IS outside and we hear him bark, we nix it immediately. That’s what bothers me the most. Yes, some dogs bark. But I don’t think that you should be made aware of your dogs barking by your annoyed neighbor.

That gene is missing in certain people which causes them not to realize that others don’t really enjoy the sound of their barking dog? It’s not cute, and it’s not music to anyone’s ears. There are other serious concerns when it comes to dogs being left outside to live their lives… that’s an entirely different subject. If you’re going to make the commitment to own a dog, and yes, it is a commitment, be a responsible and aware owner.

People who leave their dogs outside all of the time and treat them more like lawn ornaments than living beings, and let these creatures bark incessantly… you’ve gotta go. You, AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO!

It’s Gotta Go Wednesday

March 23, 2011

Yesterday while in the waiting room awaiting my 2nd creepy liquified chicken hood injection into my knee, I looked over and noticed a cute old couple sitting across the room. The woman, who looked at least 80, finished filling out her paperwork and with effort, slowly stood up and shuffled across the floor using her walker.

As the woman approached the desk, she dropped her clipboard and all of the paperwork. I expected her husband, who looked to be the same age, to get up and help her out. Instead, he acted as if she had just kicked him in the balls and scolded her from across the room. “Oh Rose… come on”, and then muttered a few “so stupid” and other kind and encouraging words. Instead of getting up to help out his beloved, he shook his head in disgust and glared at her.

Yeah, because I’m sure YOU could carry a purse and a clipboard full of papers all while supporting your weight with the help of a walker. I wanted to say to hi, “how about you take this Ex-Lax pill, and I’ll spray some PAM on the floor, and then yell at you when you crap your pants as you fall and break your hip”.

This experience proved to me that anyone can be an a-hole, even at the ripe old age of 80.

I know that life is full of jerks, and I’ve even come to terms with the fact that husbands and wives don’t always treat each other with the love and respect that they should. But I cannot stand when a husband OR wife belittles their spouse while in public. It’s not only a crappy thing to do, but it’s also humiliating to your “loved” one. And it is also very uncomfortable for whoever is there to witness you butthead-ness. Isn’t it common knowledge that you’re supposed to keep your emotional abuse at home?!

Being a misogynist and general nimrod – it’s gotta go.

WOW… and not in a good way.

March 12, 2011

I’ve never thought of Kentucky as a, well, I’ve never thought of Kentucky.

If you have, please read this. Actually, regardless of your Kentucky status, please read this:

It’s not long, so I suggest just reading the link, but in short, Senator D.B. Hardy, who has helped cut mental health services by almost 50% the last 2 years, told a health care center manager that all mental ill people are “defective” and should be sent to Siberia to freeze and starve to death. Oh yes, and he gave Hitler a big thumbs up. There’s more awesome stuff that the S.O.B. states.

Disgusting, barbaric, and on the verge of evil Senator Martin Harty has now won the top spot on my D.B. list. Seriously, this is a man who is representing American people! The excuse is that he is 90 years old and has “earned the right to say what he thinks”. I don’t give a damn if he’s 90… all it means to me is that he has had MORE than ample time in which to learn what being  a decent human being is about. I guess he’s used his years fermenting in his ignorance and hate. Maybe he was right when he said Hitler was on to something. I propose that all a-hole 90-year-old politicians could use a little Hitler-ing. At least he doesn’t deny saying, which makes me wonder if that might not be a clue that he’s not completely well. Siberia it is!


It’s Gotta Go Wednesday

February 23, 2011

Before I get into my It’s Gotta Go post, here’s a little side note. I want to give Mr. N a high-five, sympathetic back pat, and a huge hug and kiss for his awesomeness. His new shift at work is an interesting one. One that means that some nights he doesn’t get home until after 3 a.m. Add an early morning (8 a.m. to be exact) meeting following a late night into the mix, and it makes for a very tired hubby. I know there are men out there who do not have such a great work ethic and would be unwilling to man up the way Greg has. Thanks for working hard! Xoxo :).

Back to the regularly scheduled program.

As previously mentioned, we see a lot of movies in this house. But what are the odds that the same annoying occurrence would happen at both of the last movies we went to. What occurrence you ask? The people-are-idiots one.

I guess I take things for granted and am making a big assumption when I expect the general population to grasp the concept of PERSONAL SPACE. For example, when you go into a public restroom with multiple stalls, you don’t use the one directly next to one that is already being used. Right? You give one courtesy stall.

When at a theater, I expect that unless the theater is full or near full, people don’t sit right next to each other. And by each other, I really mean me. The last two movies we went to proved otherwise. And both of the theaters were less than half full!

Seriously, it’s close enough quarters as it is… you don’t need to sit RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I don’t hate people, I just don’t want to have any physical contact with them. Well, strangers that is. And I don’t want to talk them, or hear them chew popcorn or open candy wrappers, or know of their existence in any way, shape, or form. Oddly enough, I’m a pretty physically warm person. I’m a “hugger”, but I reserve my affections for those people in my life that I actually know.

Yes, I have stranger-danger syndrome, and I hate hate hate sitting by them. Especially when the situation does not call for it. When you’re at a play or concert, it’s expected that you’ll end up sitting next to someone you don’t know. I’m totally fine with that. But at the movies, I don’t want to meet new people, and I don’t want to catch whatever disease it is you are carrying. Because inevitably, the morons people weird enough to not know the cardinal rule of keeping a MINIMUM of one seat between yourself and another moviegoer (I like to make it 3 seats, just to be safe) always seem to also be missing the instinct to shower.

Anyway, people who sit right next to me at the theater when there are plenty of other seats… you’ve really gotta go.

It’s Gotta Go Wednesday

February 9, 2011

As a kid I developed a love for certain comics, specifically The Far Side and Calvin & Hobbes. Thanks to my dad and older siblings, we had quite a few of the full books of Calvin comics. I loved Calvin… an incredibly rambunctious, creative, hilarious, make-a-mother-want-to-run-away, sweet, sometimes sinister but always funny kid. So you can imagine how I feel when I see a bumper sticker such as this one:

You may think these stickers are funny if:

  1. You have an IQ of less than 90.
  2. You consider cowboy boots part of formal wear.
  3. You are a 13-year-old boy.
  4. Your uncle and daddy are one-in-the-same.
  5. You have a truck that has been lifted, AND has a gun rack.
  6. Howard the Duck is one of your favorite movies.

If you love your car, that’s great! I’m all about supporting the brands that you’re a fan of. But all the Calvin peeing sticker does is tell me that you’re a dumb arse. These stickers rival those stupid “balls” that those who I hope go first in a plague men hang on the tow hitch of their trucks. CLASSY! Yeah, nothing says “I’m awesome” like a veiny plastic mold of the family jewels. It’s a total turn on to us ladies.

I’m pretty confident in saying that Calvin & Hobbes creator Bill Watterson does not approve nor does he benefit from these tacky stickers. And personally, it causes the bile to rise in my throat to see these stupid, white trash stickers on the back window of some red-necks truck. It goes against the spirit of the comic itself.

Regardless of if you liked Calvin & Hobbes or not, let us band together and publicly shame (or at the very least mock) the morons with the Calvin peeing on (insert car manufacturer, politicians, person, etc) in the window of their truck/car. Because these stickers have GOT TO GO.

Whoa… Proof That You SHOULD Invest In Mace

January 11, 2011

Wow… how do I even introduce this little clip. It’s something when a video can make my day AND cause me to curl up in the fetal position and cry… at the same time.

If I were drinking milk, I would have shot it out of my nose (after I vomited my lunch).

I’ve Got A Few Minutes

August 25, 2010

What a better way to spend the 5 to 10 minutes it will take for the floor to dry (I mopped) then catch you up on my OH so exciting life!

Mom Update: My mom is doing great. She was admitted to the hospital for pancreatitis (OUCH!), went days without food or water, would have probably killed someone if she thought it would get her some ice chips, had surgery, and got out of there 2 days earlier than expected. It was a super exciting week for her, I’m sure. She’s still having to limit what food she eats, and still has some tenderness in her tummy, but all-in-all, she’s doing much better. Yippy!

This past weekend was sort of a blur. I had like a million kids at my house on Saturday (OK, it was 9, but it felt like a million), had friends over to BBQ, took the kids for a walk around Silver Lake (pictures to come), dealt with the retarded drama that was luckily not our own, and managed to stay sane. I call that success.

Monday was the first day of school (yeah yeah, pictures to come). HOLY HELL! I forgot how hard it is to get up, get kids up, get kids dressed and fed, and take everyone’s “first day of school” photos. Now 3 days into it, I’m slowly but surely getting back into the routine. It’s nice to have some child-free time to get stuff done (ie… mopping without having to yell at kids to “stay off the floor!”). I also think that SOME of the kids were getting sick seeing each other every hour of every day. They were all pretty ready to mix things up and get back into the classroom. But I do miss just having those moments where there was no plans and nowhere we had to be. That being said, I was ready for school to start as well :).

Tonight we have a special treat for us (everyone minus Riley… sorry kiddo, you’re just a little too young to sit through without possible freak-outs). My mom was kind enough to buy our family tickets to THE LION KING broadway play. I’m SO excited. I can’t decide if it’s more because I want to see it or because I’m excited for the kids to see it. I hope they enjoy it, and that they behave. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

My five minutes are up… back to work.