Just Say No to the Bitchy-O

A few days ago I asked myself this question: Does ‘venting’ help of hurt?

I’m sure that if any of you (and by you I really mean me, seeing as I’m my sole reader) have actually read any of my previous posts, you might have noticed a trend. I have a tendency to gripe. Does it help? Does having my thoughts and feelings out there improve my state of mind?

My amazingly wonderful friend Carlie is always there to listen to me. Lately our conversations have been like re-runs of MASH. A different episode, but nothing changes. Klinger is still trying to find a way out, Hawkeye’s priority is still getting laid, and Hotlips is always pissed off. Carlie is ever patient, willing to listen, and support me (I don’t deserve her). She is a constant that I know I can count on. But just because she is a willing victim, does it mean that it’s good…for either of us?

The other day while boo hooing to her over the same shiz, I stopped mid-sentence and just said, “you know, I’m sick of talking about this. I’m tired of hearing myself bitch about the same thing”. And you know what? It felt good.

I have truly become annoyed listening to myself complain about my life. Does it mean that NOT talking about my crap will make me happy? No. But I’m starting to think that when I move from discussing a problem to letting it dominate conversation and thought, it confirms and cements my insecurities and feelings, rather than alleviating the pain or bringing some sense of peace.

The gist? Or at least MY version of it: Yes, talking about problems can help. For me, I know discussing or writing them down can give me some clarity and perspective on the subject. It’s therapeutic. But when I harp on something…refuse to let it go…I cannot heal. The more energy and emotion I give to something, the more it seems to take on a life of it’s own. It becomes consuming. The times when I’ve talked about it, and then just said to myself, “It’s over with. It’s in the past. Yep, it sucks. Sure, I’m hurt, but what’s done is done. Move on”…that is when the true healing has begun.

When something goes from being a problem to monopolizing your life, I think you literally have to FORCE yourself to stop giving any more weight to the issue. Bitch-slap yourself out of the cycle, and make a conscious choice and say YES, I want to heal and NO, I will not let this problem rule my life any longer.

Maybe that’s the biggest step…realizing that you DO have a choice. You may not know how to stop being angry, or how to not let it haunt your every thought, or how to stop hurting, but actually deciding (not just saying) that you want to get over it is half the battle. The rest, I believe, will come in time.

I’m sure I’ll continue whine about the ex, my kids, my life in general, and will occasionally cry over spilt men…I mean milk. A good bitch session now and then is necessary. I may do it with my friends or in this forum. And I hope that my friends will continue to come to me when then need comfort, or to just plain whine. But I’m going to attempt to turn over a new leaf…or at least occasionally wipe off the leaf I’ve been working with. Spend less time wallowing in the shit and spending more time smelling the roses.

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