A week ago today was rough for me. I’ve lived long enough to have seen tragedy happen not only in my own life, but also in our country and the world. But for some reason, the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary hit me especially hard. I grieved for the people who were killed. My heart broke for the parents of the children slain, and for the children, spouses, parents and friends of the teachers and administrator who had been killed. I mourned for the mother of the shooter, and her family and friends. I also had tears for the shooter, who I believe was not evil like some have said. I believe that he was ill, and despite the efforts of his parents, I think that somewhere in his life, we as a society failed him along with many of the mentally ill who live in this country.
It was a tough day because of work responsibilities, I wasn’t able to rush home after my kids got home to wrap my arms around them and let them know how much they are loved. Hearing their voices on the phone when they got home turned me into a total blubbering idiot. But my dad put it best later that night when he said that it wasn’t stupid to cry about what had happened… it just proved that I was human and had a heart :).
Everything that happened last Friday has made it even that much more important for me to keep my focus on what is really important, especially during the Holidays. Maybe my kids will feel love and the “spirit” of the season through gifts from us and Santa, but I am making it a point to hug them extra each day, and to make sure I tell them how amazing I think they are, how much I love them, and what an important part of my life they are.
While the emotions of this tragedy aren’t as raw as they were 7 days ago, I don’t ever want to forget how I felt at the moment and following hours after I heard the news. I need to remember how fragile life is. How at any moment of any day, those I love most could be taken from me. I don’t want to remember and feel this because I want to live in fear and in a constant state of anxiety, but so that even when these kiddos are driving me nuts, to remember that these little people I’ve created are the best things that have ever happened to me.
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