A Welcomed Change

Children are nestled, not yet asleep in their beds. The house is clean. I’ve made the dough for the cinnamon rolls in preparation for the big Christmas morning breakfast. All gifts are wrapped. So before I watch a movie, which will be followed by my Santa duties, I would be remiss if I didn’t say SOMETHING about Christmas and crap like that.

About six weeks ago I was reading over some old holiday-time posts of mine. I expected and fully planned on having the same or similar sentiments this year: “All I know is that tonight my bed feels too big without someone else in it”.

While I will be having some one-on-one time with my ever loving, always awesome bed, things are much different than my 2007 Christmas Eve. At some point I will go into the gory details about my love life, but generally speaking, I’ve met an amazing man who makes me question my previous beliefs about soul mates (that there is no such thing). OK, I may not go that far, but it feels like I was born to kiss this man for the rest of my life. Damn it, if that ain’t romantic, I don’t know what is.

I guess what I’m feeling right now, more than anything else, is gratitude. Or maybe it’s lucky. All I know is that this feels like I imagined it should, but never thought it really would. While it is not without it’s challenges and stresses, it is so totally worth it.

I will be spending the night alone (sans children). But I was able to spend some time with the “man”, along with our collective offspring. We had a nice, child friendly dinner followed by some really bad Wii playing. Tonight more than ever I didn’t want him to go home. But unlike last year, I can with much certainty say that this will be the last night I play Santa by myself. And that my solo bed dates are numbered.

Never Happier To Be An Idiot

*Warning: You may need to grab the nearest trash can or garbage bag to catch and contain the vomit from the cheese that this post might induce.

Occasionally I’ll be watching a movie and I’ll hear a line that really resonates with me.

When I saw the movie Never Been Kissed (which, let me clarify, was not the best movie ever, but that’s besides the point), Drew Barrymore’s character said something that I’ll never forget. It was something that perfectly captured what I wanted, but never had:

You know, that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and that person. And you realize that that person is the only person that you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this gift. And you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time.

I remember when I heard this line how much I longed to experience this feeling. Don’t get me wrong… I loved my husband. I don’t want to discount the relationships I’ve had or say that the love wasn’t real. But there was never that absolute knowing it was right or a burning “I was born to love you” moment with him. Or with anyone. I came to believe that those kinds of feelings are what movies are made of, but not exactly realistic.

I am happy (more than I can ever express in words) to report that I was wrong.

I Might Even Buy A Candy Cane

It’s a topsy turvy world out there kids.

For reasons I won’t get into, this past month has been full of (some) ups and (more) downs. I’ve been confused, hurt, disgruntled, annoyed, and a handful of other really descriptive words. But a couple of pleasant surprises have also come my way. It’s always amazing to me how true the old adage about a window being opened when a door closes is. As well as the one about things happening when you least expect it.

Anywho, for the first time this month, I’m kind of getting into the Christmas spirit. YES! Now I need to get my butt in gear and get my shopping done. Damn my procrastination!

And for the first time in a LONG time, I’m cautiously optimistic about, um… stuff.

Christmas Can Lick It

I’m so bloody excited for Christmas I feel inspired to go to the mall and punch elves.

No, I’m NOT in the mood. No, I’m not feeling the spirit of the season, unless the spirit entails bile rising up in my throat every time I hear “Santa Baby”. I’ve yet to put up a tree (but because my parents love me and I’m a pathetic creature, they are delivering a pre-decorated one to me at any moment. Thank you Mom & Dad, and thank you Festival of Trees). My Christmas shopping, usually done before December even hits, is not even close to being complete.

This year I SUCK ASS!

I’m hoping the magical Christmas Fairy will visit me in the next few days, dislodge my head from my lower intestines, and sprinkle candy cane dust and reindeer droppings into my eyes while I sleep to make me a little more festive.

It’s all rather disappointing because this used to be my favorite time of year. Now Christmas is just a big fat red and green crap filled gift basket reminder of how I’m alone, a marital failure, a mediocre mom, relationship retarded, etc. Let me tell you, setting out the Santa presents for the kids and watching their faces Christmas morning by yourself isn’t as much fun as it sounds. Let’s not mention Christmas night… I’m giddy with anticipation when I think of spending it by myself (sans the dog and cats), eating cookie dough and trying to find something on t.v. other than the showing after showing of It’s A Wonderful Life! Yippy!

Pfttt.

OK, maybe it’s not that bad. I’ll probably find a friend or family member to pawn myself off on. LUCKY YOU!

If I play my cards right, maybe one of my neighbors will give me the gift of fruit cake, laced with vodka, and then I’ll feel the Holiday spirit (or the cold embrace of the snowman next door).

This Is What I Spend Good Money On

The best and probably most theraputic thing my shrink ever said to me:

“He may have hurt you, but you’ll heal and be OK. He, on the other hand, will be an asshole wherever he goes.”

Indeed.

Merry Thanksgiving

Maybe it’s because I’m tired. Maybe it’s because I think I’m getting sick. Or maybe it’s just my apathetic nature, but if you’re interested in how Thanksgiving 2008 went, just go back to November of 2007, read the post, and that pretty much sums it up. It was fine.

BUT, on the upside, I think I ate my weights worth of food. And I’m pretty sure it’s still slowly digesting. Ugh. As I have for the past 4 years per my family’s request, I made my “famous” cinnamon rolls. YUMMM! I may not offer much to this God forsaken world, but damn it, I make a mean SINnamon roll :).