Archive for October 2008

Metamucil Is In My Near Future

October 30, 2008

I must be getting old. Because I’m not terribly old fashioned, and there is no other explanation for the way I feel.

This morning at my kids school Halloween Parade, I noticed a trend that I find slightly disturbing. What ever happened to the typical costumes of old?: The baby, Cheerleader, Ghost, Vampire, Strawberry Shortcake, etc.

About 1/3 of the girls in 6th grade were dressed up as, well, whores. SERIOUSLY! Tons of eye make-up, big hoop earrings, glitter from head to toe, short skirts, fishnet stockings complete with heels so high even I wouldn’t attempt to wear them, and belly shirts. Unless there is a new female superhero named Slutaton, who uses the force from her boobs slapping together to destroy her enemy, I don’t know what else these girls could be trying to dress up as.

Did I miss something?

As a parent, there is no way in hell that I would let my child walk out the door dressed like that, Halloween or not. And I sure as hell wouldn’t help her create the ensemble.

It must be me. I must be getting old. In my head I actually said the words “kids these days”. Shit. I guess I’ll not fight it. I shall roll with my geriatric thoughts patterns, stock up on my Metamucil and enima kits, and hit Sizzler for dinner at 4 pm.


October 24, 2008

As a real estate agent, I’m required to take a certain number of classes/hours in order to renew my license.

Right now, at this very moment, I’m sitting in one of these classes.

Someone… ANYONE… please, come save me. I am having thoughts of stabbing myself in the eye with my pencil just to add some excitement. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

And if you’d bring a club or some sort of hammer to beat the man sitting behind me… the long haired hippie agent that CANNOT not make a comment every 30 seconds. Kill me (and him)… please.

Good Failings

October 21, 2008

I love this blog, because:

Awww Hell

October 20, 2008

I got mine last month. My dad followed suit a week after my diagnosis. And because we’re a family that shares… PNEUMONIA for everyone! Hurray! Ian, my oldest, has been pretty sick this past week. He saw the doctor last Monday and they thought it was just the flu. Symptoms: Fevers that come and go, vomiting, a lot of coughing, and very lethargic and grumpy.

A week and still not getting better (kind of getting worse) prompted me to make another appointment. I already knew what it was, but I was hoping I was wrong. SO, I hauled all 3 kids into the den of germs and phlegm and low and behold, he’s got pneumonia. For the 3rd time in 3 years! Son of a … wait, that’d be me. Poor kid. He coughs almost non-stop, and ends up throwing up because of the damned coughing. At least this time we’ve managed to stay out of the hospital. *Knock on wood*

I love my kids, but I hate seeing them sick :(.

Glad I Went To The U

October 17, 2008


Even in my most active days, I would have been equally as disgusted and embarrassed for this place of “learning” as I am today. BARF! Since when did you have to be a member “in good standing” to get your diploma? What in the hell does this have to do with getting an education!?! So much for tithing being voluntary.

I know I know, the arguments that go something like, “but it’s a private institution… they have a right to blah blah blah”, and “he knew the rules when he applied”. That very well may be, but I question the motive behind the reasons WHY his diploma is being withheld. I get the feeling it’s more about making an example out of this man. Oh sure, he can get that piece of paper if and when he is a good boy and does what he’s told. Baaaa Baaaa.

What if he just doesn’t believe? Is it right for him to have to lie and go against what he NOW believes? Is it right that all of his hard work and money mean nothing? I have this crazy belief about going to college. You pay your money, jump through the hoops, study your arse off, deal with professors (good and bad), pay your dues, and in the end, you are rewarded with a little piece of paper that declares to all the world that yes, you survived the bullshit and made it!

What about those non-members that graduate from the school… I’m assuming they are not forced to believe, pay tithe, etc. I guess if they don’t publicly denounce the church and keep their evil deeds out of the limelight, all is well. The whole thing, it just seems, well, wrong.

Luckily I graduated from the U of U… had it been BYU, I’m sure the diploma police would be on my doorstep knocking right now.

Food for thought: I wonder how much money “the church” has made off of those pictures of Jesus dying on the cross… the one where he is shirtless. Hmmm.

Oh, I Feel A Burning In My Bosom

October 16, 2008

*I half-heartedly and half-ass apologize if this offends anyone*

There seems to be a never ending supply of relationship and dating advice from everyone around me, especially my married friends. Not that everything they say is without merit, but the “how to meet a nice guy” is where the arguments arise.

I find it interesting that these married friends (who happen to be MORMON married people with no recent dating experience whatsoever) feel like they actually have a grasp on what it’s like for me and those in my similar situation.

Here is a recent IM conversation my friend forwarded to me (thanks friend 🙂 ) that took place between her and a co-worker:
(my friend will be referred to as “HER”… the man will be known as “Captain Priesthood”)

Captain Priesthood: I just think you can’t complain if you are looking for guys online. I mean by their very definition they are … guys who are online.
Her: That’s nice. I have a lot of friends who’ve met their husbands and boyfriends online.
Captain Priesthood: heh, not nice, but probably true, and you deserve better.
Her: So that makes me less-than because I’m online? If you’re not religious, there aren’t really a lot of options for meeting men.
Captain Priesthood: heh, naw, online girls are just a little geeky. But online guys… you never know where in the spectrum they belong.
Her: That sounds like every guy.
Captain Priesthood: heh, not all are that bad I would hope I’m not that bad.
Her: I’m sure my nice guy is out there…I just have to wait for him to get divorced.
Captain Priesthood: I’ll say this once, and then I wont say it again. But I think you would be much happier with the blessings the gospel has to offer, and you will find someone who cares and treats you well. I say this because this is what I have found, and why I am still lds. Now I won’t say any more spiritual/personal stuff like that I am just sad that guys treat you like junk, or they are creepy.

How ever well intended, I have a couple of problems with Oh Captain My Captains words of wisdom.

1) I seriously question advice from anyone who continually uses “heh” to begin almost every line in a conversation.
2) This relationship advice is from someone who didn’t kiss his wife until AFTER they were married. Not even once. Some may think this is cute or even sweet. I think it’s FUCKING CRAZY!
3) I was married within the confines of the “gospel”. It worked out really well for me. Marrying a priesthood holder didn’t save my marriage. It didn’t make it better. It didn’t make him respect me. He could still be a real prick.
4) I’ve dated a lot in the past 2+ years. Many of these men have been LDS. Let me run these fun personal statistics by you:

  • 3… Yes, 3 of these fabulous priesthood holders I met tried (and only 1 successfully) pulled out their holy cocks to masturbate in front of me.
  • 1 man that I met at an adult singles ward (and had known for months and considered a friend) waited all of 15 seconds on our first date to stick his tongue down my throat and shove his hands up my shirt to cop a feel.
  • 4 men that professed their love of the gospel and determination to be “good” showed their respect for me by trying to screw me on the first date.
  • 10 of them tried to or did make out with me (and tried to take it further) on a first date.
    There are more awesome figures, but I think you get the idea.

5) I’m online and I happen to be a pretty nice, normal, honest woman.
6) In Utah, a predominantly LDS state, the divorce rate is right in line with the rest of the country. Utah also has one of the highest rates of domestic abuse. Ahhh… I feel the spirit.
7) Just so I’m clear, trying to meet a man online means you’re asking to be treated like shit? “I just think you can’t complain if you are looking for guys online”. Kind of like if you go to a bar and bare a little cleavage you’re asking to get raped. Or those damn kids who are so damn cute they are just begging to get molested.

My theory about online dating is that for many people, especially those around my age, it may be the best (if not only) way to meet possible matches. Is it perfect? No. But I believe there are people like me that are looking for genuine, long term relationships. There aren’t any more freaks online than you’d find out in the real world. The men you find online are a pretty good representation of all men, just concentrated in one forum.

Men, wherever or however you meet them, can simply just be assholes. Dating a man with or without the “priesthood” has yet to protect me. In all honesty, the non-mormon men I’ve dated have shown me more respect and consideration than their mormon counterparts. But generally I’ve had good and bad experiences with men regardless of how we became acquainted or their religious practices.

It’s not that I don’t love you, my dear sweet friends, but until one of you allow me to marry your awesome husband and become the second wife, or set me up with a half decent guy, how about you save your opinions for bible study.


October 14, 2008

The idea was that I would let “it” go. Put it behind me and move on.

Since my divorce over two years ago, I have never felt afraid living alone (well, sans a man). My home has been a sanctuary… A place that I’ve always felt safe and comfortable.

But since “it” happened, and despite my resolve to let it roll over and off of me, I find myself in a constant state of hyper-awareness. Acutely aware of every car that drives by. Every noise outside. Every door that opens and shuts. Every time my dog lifts his head when he hears something.

I force my dog to sleep in my room. I look out the window to make sure no one is there. Every time my phone begins to vibrate, I’m afraid who it might be.

As much as I tell myself that I will not give it any more power or let it affect me, it obviously has. While I’ve been able to, for the most part, slip into my comforting and protective “numb”, I wonder if and how this will change my life.

Will I be able to love, trust, relax, surrender? Will my mind forever scream “stranger danger!”? At this point, I’d take being able to go to bed without obsessively checking every lock. Here’s hoping.