Archive for April 2008

I Went, I Saw, I Got Really Sunburnt

April 28, 2008

St. George… a place for me that represents relaxation, getting away from reponsibilities,┬áand wonderful weather.

It’s a place that I’ve taken countless family vacations, and a location with only good memories.

My retreat to the sunkissed town was exactly what I needed, although I left feeling more bitch-slapped by the sun rather than kissed.

For me there is nothing better than having a destination where there are no “have too’s” or plans. We truly did “stuff” while really doing nothing.

Thanks to my oldest and dearest friend for making it everything I was hoping for. I’m feeling recharged and even a little energized.

Hell Yeah!

April 25, 2008

It’s been a stressful couple of weeks. But this weekend has some great relaxation potential.

And after yesterdays stupid ass snow storm (along with my day-to-day responsibilities), I couldn’t be happier to leave the land of the holy and head south to St. George. I’m going with a friend of mine, and we have some serious plans to do nothing. The idea is that we have NO plans, and just act in a “fly by the seat of our pants” way which is something that moms don’t often get to do.

I’m not one to rub good things in the faces of others, but…

That’s right bitches! While the rest of you, my dear friends, are freezing your asses off, I’m going to be soaking up the sweet rays in Zion. Woo hoo!

How To NOT Win A Girls Affection

April 24, 2008

After a few weeks of emailing back and forth, a man that contacted me through myspace asked me to text him (just because I’m so “funny” and “cute” and he wants to get to know me better).

Here is the text string from last night, spelling and all:

ME: “Hey, it’s Megan, your favorite new friend. I’m at a concert, but told you I’d text you, so, Hi :)”

HIM: “Who are you i dont kno a megan.”

ME: “WOW. Ok then.”

HIM: “where did u get my number.”

ME: “I got it when you emailed it to me and asked me to text you… Jackass.”

HIM: “Oh god i’m sorry i have been getting crazy text from 3 or 4 diff numbers. Please exuse me I may have not known ur name yet when i sent u that i am so sorry megan.”

ME: “Lol. I know how hard it is to keep us all straight.”

HIM: “Sorry megan i do kno its ********* (my myspace user name) u caught me offguard.”

ME: “Don’t worry about it.”

He professed his embarrassment and apologized some more.

Yes, in this online world of meeting people, it can get confusing. But, “Buddy”, you not even remembering my name after almost 2 weeks of emails is not the best way to convince me that you find me intriguing or fascinating.

I’m not impressed.


April 22, 2008

The much dreaded surgery has come and gone, and all is well. We still have to wait for pathology and some culturing of the retarded lymph node, but the doctor said that it looked healthy. Deep breath.

Emma did so well that we didn’t have to stay the night as originally planned. Woo Hoo!

We had a pretty easy night, and actually got some good sleep. She’s only complaining about pain here and there, at which time I promptly dope her up with Loritab, although it doesn’t actually seem to “dope” her or help much with the pain.

Here she is BEFORE surgery and AFTER the dose of “get her high and
make her calm” medicine. It was hilarious.

After the surgery.

To Porty, thanks for the Slurpee. And the company. And thanks to those of you who were thinking of us ­čÖé

Fear and Loathing in SLC

April 19, 2008

I’m wishing that I had something funny and witty to write, but I’m too damn worried to come up with anything comical.

The lump in my daughters neck which I was worred about in October, like I wrote about here, and then felt OK about, like I wrote here… well, it may not be nothing like I initially hoped.

In March I noticed that the lump had grown significantly. Long story short, she’s scheduled for surgery to have the lump removed Monday afternoon.

I can’t actually write down my paranoia or worries for fear that putting them out there might somehow make my nightmares a reality. Needless to say, the ruler of Megatropolis is feeling mighty helpless and scared.


April 18, 2008

I am banning myself from watching any movies that have the following plots: Movies that have nerdishly cute men who are in love with that girl next door. Movies in which men lose their one “true” love and then gain new wisdom and win their bitch back. Movies with endearing men who lose the girl they THOUGHT was the dream girl, and then find their actual “soul mate”. Movies in which the nice girl ends up with the great guy.

Frankly, everyday is enough of a reminder of how I am never the above mentioned girl. Unfortunately, I’ve been assigned the roll of the distraction girl… the TRANSITIONER.

So I’m sticking to movies with zombies, war, and anything made by Christopher Guest.

What Does This Say About Me?

April 16, 2008


I’ve seen some seriously weird, funny, and creepy search phrases that lead people to this blog.

But this, my friends, may be the most disturbing:

waterbottles in pussies

I really don’t know what to think, other than WHAT THE FUCK!

Slightly Random… Always Delightful

April 15, 2008
  • The past few days have been beautiful! The weather has been fucking (that was dedicated to my previous post) glorious. Yesterday I worked out in the yard and then soaked in some rays while dozing a little and listening to my ipod. It goes without saying that I am now completely sunburned. Back to the point… I don’t normally watch the news, but I did catch the weather. Mother Nature is not only a whore but also a TEASE!
  • I adopted a dog yesterday. He is proving to be a dream boat. And he doesn’t chase my cats! More to follow.
  • Watched and am now boycotting America’s Next Top Model. How in the hell is a girl who is a size 8 a good candidate for the plus size model world? Holy fuckwad!
  • Don’t you think it’s weird that most people who are for the death penalty are against abortion, and vice versa?
  • I’m still always looking at the clock at 12:34, and any other **:34 as well. And it still creeps me out.
  • Realization about the “dream boat” after sleeping in the same room with him. He snores. Hmmm.
  • After reading a few comments on a┬ácertain nameless ├╝ber┬ádouche’s myspace page, I had the sudden urge to vomit a little. The cheese that people voluntarily spew forth on their “friends” pages is enough to make me want to punch babies.

The “F” Word

April 14, 2008

I’m a big fan of the “F” word, although I use it much less than I’d like. If you’re confused about when the best time is to use this word is, take a look at this little tutorial:

I Feel Like a New Woman

April 11, 2008

Since moving in, I’ve had this crappy, old, warped, crud-like, wooden garage door.

Thanks to an OK tax refund, I finally have a new door. It’s white and clean and undamaged. As I pushed┬áthe button on the opener remote, I felt like a virgin, touched for the very first time.