Archive for October 2007

I Could Have Used a Sharper Razor

October 29, 2007

I’ve been having some problems with my new phone… a “razor”. I haven’t been able to send or receive picture messages.

After about an hour on the phone with T-Mobile, it looked as if the mystery was solved. To test my photo receiving capabilities, I asked the man that I’ve been dating for a little over a month to send me a picture.

He sent me a picture of his ass. Yes… his ass. I don’t know whether to laugh, cry, or run like hell.

A Few Good Friends

October 25, 2007

I try to avoid harping on the same subject over and over again… OK, at least I try to space the same-subject bitch sessions out. But yeah, I had surgery last week. I’m fine, and yes, I’ll survive. But it’s sucks!

Surprisingly enough, this post isn’t about me complaining. Actually, right now I’m feeling very blessed to have people in my life that somehow know just what to do and just when to do it in order to save me from myself.

The last couple of days have been hard for me. Probably just a result of the surgery, but nevertheless, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and for lack of a better word, crappy.

Tuesday night, when I was feeling the wrath of my own pity, my BFF called and saved me with Olive Garden, a hug and a BFF cuddle session that I needed more than he’ll ever know.

Today my lovely, charming, and wonderful life-long friend called me. We talked for a few minutes, and then she got another call. 30 minutes later, the doorbell rang. There she was, brownies in tow (my favorite mint chocolate ones from The Normandy Cafe…yummy). Girl time and chocolate… it’s better than any painkiller I’ve tried.

This life… as hard as it sometimes is, as alone as I sometimes feel, and as much as I sometimes feel I can’t do this another day, I know that I truly am blessed. To all of you who are there to pick me up when I’m feeling down and make me smile and laugh when I want to cry, I love you and appreciate you more than you’ll ever know.


No Witty Title…I’m High

October 22, 2007

Maybe posting 2 days out of surgery and hopped up on Valium and Percocet might not be the BEST idea, but I’m pretty sure that I had a life changing and monumental thought about 5 minutes ago. Unfortunatey I’ve already forgotten what it was. I think it’s time for another pill.

The Power of the Tickle

October 17, 2007

I know I’ve talked about massages before. But my massage today is definitely worth posting about.

Her name is Stacey. If I were a lesbian, and the thought of kissing a woman didn’t gross me out, and if it were legal, I would marry this girl.

I’ve had good massages before. Even great ones (like last month). The one today not only felt amazing, but there was this weird connection between us. It wasn’t sexual (AT ALL), nor romantic. Maybe not even spiritual. But it was, well, sensual. Or maybe decadent is a better word.

I completely surrendered to the experience. And she seemed very in tune to exactly where I was hurting and what I needed.

The best part? Anyone who knows me well knows that I LOVE a soft tickle. No massage therapist has ever done the tickle. But she did. And damn it, I loved it!

Oh yes…I’ll be back Stacey. I’ll be back.

Best Twins Questions

October 12, 2007

The Most Asked Questions From People When They Find Out I Have Twins:

1) “Did you do fertility treatments?” — No, I guess I’m just lucky (kind of like getting malaria). I’m a fertile kind of girl.

2) “Did you breastfeed?” — Yes…yes I did. This seems to be the #1 question. People almost always ask how I did it. My answer? Pretty much the same way you breastfeed one, just with both breasts occupied. They usually want me to demonstrate how I did it. I almost always comply (although not the FULL demonstration) :).

3) “A boy and a girl, huh? Are they identical?” — I try to be patient and fair, but…DUH! My stock answer: “Yeah, all except for the penis.”

4) “Ohhh, how cute! I always wanted twins! Do you love it?” — Are you f’ing kidding me? I love my children, but HELL NO! If I could have separated the pregnancy into single ones, I’d do it. Would you like carrying 14 pounds of baby, double the amniotic fluid, placenta and blood, have a gigantic uterus? How about having no room in your stomach to eat, bladder to hold pee, and diaphragm to breath? How about being 6 months along and measuring full term? OR feeling like your abdomen might split at any minute only to have babies, guts and all spill out of you? It was uncomfortable, stressful, and painful. If you think twins would be good times, you deserve them… sucker.

5) “Twins…wow. God must think you’re amazing. You are a saint.” — Hey dip-shit, I have a hard time believing that God had a hand in this. If he did, I think it’s proof that he has a sense of humor or hates my guts more than it is divine intervention. I hope God has better things to worry about than my reproduction. Truthfully, I think it has a lot more to do with me producing more than one egg when I ovulate.

6) This is my favorite: “Do they have the same father?” — And yes, she was serious.

I’ll Give It Another Shot

October 10, 2007

I’m not one of those people that cannot admit when they are wrong.

With regards to my previous post, I feel like I must make a few corrections.

Yes, after this last weekend, I was upset. I opened myself up a little, and took a small leap of faith — trusting someone with my person in a foreign land (Wendover might as well be China as far as I’m concerned…just with a lot of old people). Despite the fun I had, by the end of the trip I was left with a taste in my mouth resembling that after eating a shit sandwich.

Not that I had high expectations of the place, but I expected this man to treat me with the same respect that he had before our mini getaway.

He said some things, did some things, that just plain sucked.

There are reasons…excuses…as to why this happened. They don’t make it OK, but I don’t believe he is pure evil. He had too much to drink, was around his crazy friends, and forgot that he was with a lady. One who paints her toe nails, shaves her legs, and doesn’t think it’s too much to ask to have you open her door.

But I also think that ultimately it came down to poor communication and misunderstanding. I’ve realized that just like me, he has insecurities, doubts, and fears. While this doesn’t pardon him, it does explain why he acted the way he did.

ANYWAY, long story short, I told him how he had hurt me, angered me, embarrassed me, and scared me. He gave me probably one of the most genuine apologies I’ve heard.

He didn’t make ANY excuses for his behavior. He took all of the responsibility. He said he was sorry. Most importantly, he let me feel how much he liked me.

So I’m eating a small portion of my words, and giving him another shot. Maybe it’ll work out, maybe not. But I guess I’m willing to take the chance to be cautiously optimistic.

Another One Bites the Dust

October 9, 2007

I’m the first to admit that I’ve made mistakes, or shall we say unwise decisions, when it comes to men and dating. But I’ve learned from my faux pas.

So this time around, I did it “right.” I knew the man for 6 months before I agreed to go out with him. I asked about him and got a feeling about the kind of person he is. I talked to people who knew him well. And when they all said that he was “a great guy,” “very nice,” and all seemed to think that we’d be great together, I felt like my homework was done…A+.

The first 2 dates were great. He was fun, kind, a complete gentleman. But after a few more dates, and a weekend in Wendover…wow, his true colors not only showed, but shot out of his ass like a rainbow exploding from a leprechaun’s cannon.

So how could I have done everything I should have done and STILL have a result like this? Any ideas?

I guess it’s back to the drawing board for me. Maybe I did something wrong, or maybe it was just him. All I know is that it’s another reason for me to run from every penis haver within 100 yards of me.

Good News

October 4, 2007

Emma is OK. No cancer, or anything concerning. Whew…what a relief. Now I can go back to obsessing over the really important things, like what color to paint my toe nails 🙂

Putting the Cart Before the Horse

October 2, 2007

There is nothing like the thought of losing someone you love to put things into perspective.

For lack of a better word, I’ve been depressed the past few months. But today, none of the things that were bothering me seem like a big deal. I guess it’s true what they say…it can always get worse.

A few months ago my ex-husband noticed a bump on our daughters neck. Her pediatrician examined her, and noticed other bumps as well. Blood tests were ordered, and Emma went on a 14 day course of antibiotics, just “in case” the lumps were a result of an infection.

All test results came back normal, but the lumps didn’t get smaller. Not only was there no shrinkage, but they continued to grow and get bigger.

Her doctor referred us to a specialist (ENT) at Primary Children’s Hospital.

Of course it took us 2 weeks to get in to see him. It’s hard enough when it’s your own health you’re concerned about. But when it’s your child, the wait is excruciating.

I expected the ENT to look at her, and tell me that it wasn’t a big deal…that her enlarged lymph nodes were a result of her being so damn cute, and that they were a predictor of her being a creepishly awesome woman.

But as he man-handled her neck, his face took on a kind of scowl.

“I’m not really concerned, but I’d like to send her for a CT Scan…today if possible.”

Uh huh, so you’re not worried, but we’ve got to get this done ASAP. Very reassuring doc…thanks.

Off to radiology we go. Emma had to have an I.V., and was so brave and cute. The techs loved her…what’s not to love. She held still like she was told, and chattered about the goofiest things.

The radiologist walked into the what they call the “CONTROL ROOM”, and took a look at the picture on the computer. What I saw on her face scared the shit out of me. It was that same scowl that I saw on the face of the ENT. Do they teach this in medical school? Oh yes, all 2nd year students must take the “How to confuse and scare the shit out of patients” class. I’m sure it’s always the first one to fill up.

She came into the room and told me that she needed to take a closer look at the scan in her office, and they would get back to us.

Maybe I’m over-reacting. Maybe it’s nothing. Honestly, I think it is nothing. But I’m wondering if it’s my instincts telling me that, or wishful thinking. But I DID NOT get the calming reassurance that I was looking for. I expected to walk out of the hospital with my fears expelled. I now am more worried than ever.

The thought of losing a child is the absolute worst thought I can imagine. My parents went through it, and they survived. But it has changed them…and our family…forever.

So here I am for the first time in months NOT worrying about a guy, my life as a divorced single mom, money, work, or anything else but my beautiful child.

I hope that this is just a wake-up call–another shitty learning experience–in which I realize what is really important. God, I hope so.