Without Further Ado

I figured it was time to do a “Search Engine” post… these words and phrases are what bring some to my site, and always make me feel like a perfect Jerry Springer candidate.

10. “Mary Steamvirgin Nude “- Ironic seeing as I don’t even know who she is, and have never posted about her save when I do these stupid search engine posts. And now, writing about it, will bring even more Steamvirgin fans here. Sorry to disappoint :).
9. ““nice guys” + “get used”” – Awww… my heart is breaking.
8. “what makes people crazy?“ – Keep reading and you’ll find out first hand.
7. “nice bosom” – Ha! I concur :).
6. “when is it ok to give a blow job…” – Ummm… yeah..
5. “slap me with a white glove” – Just tell me when and where.
4. “poopsie the goose” – The newest childrens book character.
3. “mormon men are assholes” – Enough said.
2. “my children don’t care about their mom” – Welcome to my world.
1. *** For some reason, I think I’ve become the top site when it comes to odd and wrong masturbation practices, which I just DO NOT UNDERSTAND… here are the related searches: “jerkoff in front women“, “mom masterbates dog“, “carly masterbates with brush“, “daughter masterbates“, “mother masterbates“. Ewww. EWWWWWW! I am locking up my kids, AND my dog! And I’m sending all of these people who search using “masterbate” back to school. It’s MASTURBATE!!!

Best Monday EVER!

Dog adoption fees:   $75

Leash:   $10

Seeing a lady flip shit at THE DOG PARK!!! after someone’s dog jumped on her and “ruined her $500 coat”:   Priceless 🙂

The End Of This

This is the last time I’ll write about this subject. But I’m doing it, and damn it, you’ll read it AND you’ll like it!

I was the first victim, followed my my oldest son. My youngest son was the next in line. I hoped that it would by-pass Emma, but that bitch I lovingly refer to as Pneumonia has visited her as well.

The funny thing about Emma is that compared to my boys, she’s a real trooper when it comes to illnesses. Through her surgery this spring, she was amazing and brave. Other times when she’s been sick, you can hardly tell because she’s so pleasant. I knew she was sick when I took her into the doctor today, but not THAT sick.

When they put the oxygen testy thing (yeah, I don’t feel like getting technical) on her, I was expecting a low 90’s or high 80’s. Nope. The highest reading came in at 82%. In case you don’t know, that is REALLY LOW! Anything under 88%, they send you to the hospital for oxygen. At the office they did a breathing treatment which did help, but her O2 was still not great. I was REALLY not wanting do the hospital thing, so the doctor agreed to send us home with 5 prescriptions as well as a home visit from the medical supply company, bringing fun things like oxygen and a nebulizer. Can you all say PARRRRRTTTTYYYY!

I get to get up with her though the night so that I can administer the treatments/meds every 4 hours for the next 3 days. I’m pretty excited about it all. I’m just glad I’ll be spending my night at home in bed and not sharing a hospital bed with my daughter.

It’s been an eventful day, but I can at least have some comfort in knowing that now it’s gone through all of us and this will be the end of the Pneumonia chapter in our lives.

Fantabulous Stuff!

It’s pretty easy for me to see the things in my life that I don’t like. BUT, on the rare occasions the planets align and magical fairies spread their pixie dust, I remember how lucky I am and what great experiences I’ve had. Here are a few of my cool and unique adventures:

• Eating a fresh (and I think live) oyster off the beaches in France.
• Hand feeding and caring for an injured bat.
• Carrying and giving birth to twins.
• Swimming with sharks and sea lions at Sea Camp.
• Getting to spend 3 weeks alone with my dad one summer.
• Assisting in multiple animal surgeries.
• Running a handful of 1/2 marathons.
• Having parents who are still married, actually still love each other, and are best friends.
• Watching a street band play in Paris.
• My kids who are the best thing that have happened to me.
• Winning 1st at a diving conference.

These are just a few things that I’ve been blessed enough to have been able to be a part of. I’m a lucky girl!

He Thinks I’m Rad!

For the past 3 months, I’ve gotten weekly facebook “friend requests” from a guy that I went out with one time. One that seemed all nice and delightful, but I never heard from him again.

So instead of denying his request for the 23209 time, I sent him this message:

It’s official… you must be in love with me. I mean what other explanation can there be for your continued “friends request”? It can’t be to widen your already huge friends base. I mean seeing as I never heard from you after our obviously awesome awesome awesome (I threw the 2 extra in there for effect) first and only date, it must be because you were intimidated my by beauty. And awesomeness. 🙂

His reply:

OH MY HEAVENS
u r silly
and i think ur rad
i just like to make sure thatu know that i know that i know u
haha
how r u?

Oh my heavens? I’m silly AND rad? If I had a peg leg, I’d beat myself with it.

Ramblings and Nonsense

Weird, blah, up and down. Those words pretty much how this last week has felt. In no particular order:

The “nice guy” is still nice, but not what I’m looking for. Despite wishing he fit the bill, I ended things. I’m kind of sad. Partly because I thought there might be potential (at least in the beginning). Partly because I think for the most part, he’s a good guy. And partly (mostly), because I liked the idea of him. I was hopeful, and it’s always disappointing when hope in something dies. So I guess I’m mourning the loss of what might have been, not really him. Alas, it was not to be, and at least I ended it without my typical “let it drag on for months and feel crappy about it” routine. But it did end very nice and friendly, wrapped up in a nice little bow. Actually, this may very well be the best breakup EVER! 🙂

After an interesting therapy appointment on Monday, some light bulbs flickered. A few “ah ha” moments. According to my ever loving and faithful quack, I have trouble not so much (or should I say AS much) with MY boundaries as with reading the boundaries and signals of others. What should be red flags to me somehow look like party napkins. This can be troublesome when I respond with innocent intentions but evidently it’s not always seen this way. Yup, I’m not the sharpest fork in the drawer. Who knew. Although it does explain a lot. Looks like my therapist will have a nice Christmas this year.

My dogs leg is hurt. He needs surgery, but I’m poor. I wish they made a home amputation kit.

I had a pretty good blind date last night.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t break 100K in myspace poker. It is really starting to piss me off.

For the last 5 days, there has been this pit more in my heart than in my stomach. I can’t decide if I want to scream, punch something, or just have an all night cry-a-thon. Care to join me? FUN!

First Half Of My Day

Today I:

1) I lounged around in bed with Pants until we decided to hit my favorite waffle house dive and stuff our guts with vein clogging delights.
2) Returned home and laid around for a little while.
3) Opened a can of whoop ass (while Pants was napping with my cat) on my family room. I’m talking about moving couches and vacuuming, full on dusting… the works.
4) All that work has forced me back to where I started… my bed.

Two Down, One To Go

Remember my post a few weeks ago… the one where I bitched about being sick and my oldest son having pneumonia? Hell decided to give me a heaping spoonful of extra creamy crap. Now Cooper, my younget son, has pneumonia. Nooooooooooooooo! Emma is the only one yet to be infected in our family and I’m hoping to keep it that way. Maybe I’ll build her a little self contained bubble and she can live in that this next week.

I Pee’d My Pants A Little

When logging on to my WordPress homepage, blogs with current popular posts are shown. One of these is the “HAWT” post of the day. One of these blogs is written by a WordPress “guy”.

I’m not sure why, but his picture REALLY FREAKS ME OUT! Something about the eyes and smile. Maybe it’s the way he’s tilting his head. This photo screams to me, “Yes, come closer little girl. I will only eat your intestines from the inside out”. Whatever it is, I’m pretty sure he’s evil. What do you think?

How Do You Like Me Now?

I tend to post on the “lighter” issues in my life. And I will probably continue on this path. But today, after years of a personally driven search for truth, I’ve chosen to share what I know to be true.

I can’t make you believe, but I can give you a starting point to find out for yourself.

“Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth.” – Albert Einstein