What A Relief

Occasionally I’ll have moments when I think about past friendships and romances. For the handful of relationships in which ties were severed and there is no longer contact, there is theme: I have absolutely NO regrets of it ending when all is said and done. It ends up being a relief more than anything else.

Although there have been different people, circumstances, reasons why it ended, etc., I can’t honestly say that I miss any of these people. It’s usually not until it’s over that I can see how much they sucked energy out of me, or just sucked in general, and my life is much better without them. This would have been a nice realization a few years ago. It could have saved me from worrying so much and trying too hard.

The moral of the story? There is no need to worry about the what, why, and how. In the end, whatever happens, you’ll be better off. The relationships worth saving WILL be saved. The others? It’s best to lop ’em off like a gangrened pinkie toe. It will feel like 220 lb. of dead weight being lifted off of your shoulders.

So Deep

The question that has plagued people for centuries: If you’re feeling nauseated, do you fight it, or just let it flow?

This weekend I fought a good fight and won! But did I actually win or just prolong my suffering. I’ll never really know.

MY DAD

Today is my dad’s birthday. I think he’s 68 (it’s weird how I’ve forgotten the exact age of my parents and siblings as I’ve gotten older). He’s one of greatest people I know. And here’s why:

• Even though he hates them, he bought me a cat when I was 5 because I wanted one so bad. Followed by fish, a turtle, a dog, and then a rabbit.
• When I was in elementary school, he quit his job for 2 years just to be with his kids more. He felt like he was missing out on us growing up. I absolutely loved coming home from school to both of my parents.
• After the first Whitney Houston CD came out, he danced with us for hours. I think he even tried a handstand.
• He made it possible for me to buy my first house.
• I spent 3 weeks with him one summer, no other kids. I know I’m his favorite.
• I think that all of his children think that they are his favorite.
• When I turned 10, he took me (and the other daughters on their 10th birthdays) to La Caille. I still have wonderful memories of that Daddy/Daughter date.
• He is THE BEST story teller EVER! Of course some gave me nightmares, and others got me in trouble at school. But he would entertain us for hours with his creative tales. And now he spends hours upon hours telling my son and the other grandkids awesome stories.
• During his 2 years off of work and when I stayed home sick from school, he took me to see ALIENS.
• He taught me how to drive when I was 14. And he’s let me drive all of the cars in his collection any time I’ve wanted to, from the Corvette to the Mercedes. Even when I was only 16!
• I’ve saved thousands of dollars because he’s my personal repairman. He’s fixed everything from sprinkling systems to vacuums to toys. He’s a handy guy to have around.
• I am the handiest girl I know because of him. While my siblings were off doing other things, I helped him around the house. I learned how to do simple electrical work, plumbing repairs, construction, proper painting techniques, etc. Together we’ve: Put in 2 separate sprinkling systems, remodeled a couple of bathrooms, put in sinks and disposals, built a playhouse/slide for my kids, etc. We’re quite the team.
• We have a very similar sense of humor. He’s the only dad I know that will flip off his own child, and laugh when his kids give him the bird.
• He took me shopping to find the perfect dress.
• Whenever I was sick or scared, he’d hold and snuggle me back to sleep. I’ve always felt safe and invincible while under the protection of my dad.
• I have great memories of him taking us on fun hikes and exploring St. George.
• Along with my mom, my dad has made it possible for my youngest son to absolutely blossom and come back to me. They have changed his life, as well as my life and the life of my family. I can never repay them for their generosity.
• He has always been there to love and support me, even when I’m an idiot. I have never questioned his love for me.

Those are just a few examples of the awesomeness that is my dad. He has always been an example of honor, selflessness, integrity, and honesty to me. I’ve heard people say this about their dads, but I really do mean it and know that it is true… I couldn’t have asked for a better father. Thanks Dad, and… HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Happy VD – That’s Valentines Day!

Love.

What exactly is love?

Is it a feeling? An emotion? A behavior? Is love something you can choose, or does it choose you?

I’m not sure if there is a right or wrong answer. Maybe love is different for everyone, or maybe all of the answers are correct in their own way.

For me, there are different aspects of love. With romantic love, there is that giddy feeling, that fire or spark. But real, true, honest, long lasting love, whether between lovers, family, or friends is something a little more.

I think that everyone experiences loving someone in a different way. One problem with this is sometimes when someone expresses love for you in THEIR own way, and not in the way that you happen to express your love, you may not even recongnize it. Does that make their love for you any less powerful or real? I vote no.

Personally, I’m more of a “do” lover than a sayer. Sure, I say it and express it verbally. But for the most part, I express my love for someone by doing things for them that I think will make their life easier, things that they’ll like, and things that will make them happy. I may not greet you at the door wrapped in cellophane, but I might have the house clean with your favorite meal on the table when you get home.

I probably won’t write you a poem or a song detailing all of the way I love thee, but I might buy you that movie you said you liked and wished you owned. I may not buy you a Rolex or plan a cruise to the Caribbean, but I might organize your tool box or bring out a cold drink to you when you’re mowing the lawn. I WILL not sing a song to you in public, but I will scratch your back until you fall asleep.

With my kids, I show my love for them by volunteering in their classrooms, baking cookies with them, leaving them little notes telling them how great I think they are, or picking up treats for them when I’m at the grocery store.

I definitely could work on recognizing love when it comes to me in different ways. And I guess my love might be seen as a little boring, but it’s just the way I roll.

Here’s hoping you have a Valentine’s Day filled with love!

I’m A Rebel

I just spent 10 minutes composing a post when I suddenly realized that I can’t post it. Because (sort of unfortunately), I’m no longer totally anonymous and people I actually know occasionally read this.

Damn. And I used to be so mysterious.

Self editing sucks. I’m thinking it might be time to start a secret blog which I cannot be connected to at all. That way I can really dig deep and get honest about the dirt in my life… like how I didn’t shower until 4 pm the other day AND I drank 1% milk instead of skim.

My Weekend Of Delights

My weekend was filled with the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Friday the whole fam damily took in a movie. Surprisingly, the kids were really good, and the movie was also very good. I think I also cleaned the downstairs boys cesspool bathroom. I can’t be sure… I’ve blocked the experience from my memory.

Saturday was the day of hell. I cleaned out the garage, which was SO much fun (although I must admit I am happy with how it turned out and thrilled that it’s finally done). We can actually park in the garage, which is a freaking Christmas miracle. The kids were absolutely awful and fought most of the day, and I managed to end the day still loving them (award for me). Later that night I got a little reprieve when I met up with my mom and sister for a movie. Thanks Muffin Cakes for putting the kids to bed :).

Sunday was slightly more relaxed, but not much. Kids played outside, and Mr. “N” and I worked on organizing what once was the playroom. It’s now an office/workout room/tv room/library room, and I am relieved to have the Room of Satan put together. We also moved my 233280409 pound treadmill into the room, and I ran for the first time in a month this morning. It felt good. We also folded and put away 8 baskets of laundry, which has become an every 4 days occurence. Two adults and five kids mean the washer and dryer never get lonely.

It was a pretty productive weekend, and it’s nice to have accomplished so much. Next weekend: A little getaway (sort of) with my hubby. I can’t wait!

I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty

Have you ever had a dream in which you forget about something, like dressing yourself, picking up your kids on time (or even that you HAVE kids), about a test, etc?

I have been plagued by these types of dreams all of my life. Enough that they rarely affect me and I see them as just a semi-conscious manifestation of my subconscious insecurities. Or that I’m just a weirdo.

I KNEW I had my final licensing renewal class today, but somehow it slipped my mind when I woke up this morning. I made it on time, and magically got the kids to the babysitter and school on time, but not everyone was spared… namely the other people in my class who get to be in my lovely au naturale presence. Lucky bastards.

My Innards Have Been Scarred For Life

It had so much going for it… an almost unending potential:

A sports grill, which is almost like a bar, in St. George, UT. Almost no competition.

A catchy name.

A bunch of big t.v.s all over the place.

An interesting menu.

A pretty good beer (yuck) selection, or so I was told.

How could it possibly go wrong?! It could, and it did.

Unfortunately the reality of it didn’t QUITE mesh with the potential of it. What it DID offer:

A hostess with an I.Q. in the negative numbers, who doesn’t quite grasp the concept of “first come first serve” and “in a timely manner”. And who slaughtered the spelling of my first name in a way that is practically mythical. There was also the server who didn’t actually talk to, communicate with, bring what was ordered, or checked on the customer.

I ordered 2 items. ONE: A strawberry milkshake. What I got? A pina colada-ish drink with a little strawberry something in it. When I let the server know, he came back and told me that they were out of ice cream so they whipped up this little concoction for me instead. Not impressed. TWO: Potato Skins WITHOUT the southwestern “flare”. What I got?

Does this picture bring anything to mind? No, it’s not an illusion. It really does look like a plate of shit. Want to know what it tasted like? A plate of shit with a southwestern flare.

Everyone, let me introduce you to (and steer you away from) PLAYERS SPORTS BAR AND GRILL, where you can take in a game, and walk away with dysentery.

Goody Goody Gum Drops

I know you’ve been hoping for one of my “Things I’m Grateful For” lists. Because you have searched, pondered and prayed, I’m bringing one to you again, in no particular order:

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

• Meeting a kindred spirit… A thoughtful and loving man named Mr. “N”.
• Amazing parents who are the best examples any daughter could hope for. I admire them for their honesty, integrity, generosity, and ability to forgive. They ALWAYS take the high road and do what is right. They are two people who have their priorities in line and know what is important in life..
• My running shoes. They are becoming a little tattered and torn, but if love came in shoe form and if I was single, I’d marry them.
• My children… the ones spewed forth from my womb AND the ones I have newly inherited.
• Having a handful of wonderful friends.
• The opportunity to meet and develop relationships with new friends. I can’t wait to get to know you all better!
• That I didn’t split my knee open again last week playing volleyball.
• Chocolate.
• That Gator’s new owners think he is as sweet and great as I do. It truly is a load off.
• My ex. Odd, I know, but he has actually been a big help to us during the move. He’s a great dad and a good man. I’m proud that I can say we never fought in front of our kids, and we have never talked bad about the other to or in front of our children. As far as divorces go, I am thankful that we (for the most part) did it with grace. I can say with a smile that I wish the very best for him.
• The masseuse who is pretty much magical and “fixed” me.
• Birth control.
• And of course, my bed.

Yawn

Blah blah blah. Pretty deep, huh?

With regards to drama, there are two types of people: those who thrive and seek it out, and even create it for themselves. And then there are those, like myself, that enjoy a more calm and contention free life. That is why “blah blah blah” is about my only response to the SERIOUSLY RETARDED drama that has thrown itself upon my doorstep.

I’ll forgo the details because at this point, I really don’t give a damn and mopping the floors is a much better use of my time. I’ll just never understand and fully grasp how there are some people in the world who no matter what you say or do, will never, ever get it.